Mental Health
Expert Tips On How To Manage Maternal Mental Health
6 min read | Updated on 30-03-2023 by HappyPreggie
Depression is a condition that causes prolonged feelings of sadness, feelings of worthlessness, and feelings of disconnection. It can also cause other physical symptoms like pain, fatigue, and lack of sleep.
That said, depression can happen to anyone at any time in their life. But dealing with depression during or after pregnancy is more common than you think. Indeed, motherhood is one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have. However, a lot goes into being a mother and it is definitely not easy. If you are reading this, chances are you or someone you know may face postpartum depression or anxiety. And managing your mental health is especially important if you are an expecting mother.
Perinatal depression is a sensitive topic to talk about. But do not worry, you are not alone. We have invited Ms. Faeza Hasnan, a clinical psychologist from Naluri Hidup Sdn. Bhd. to answer some of the burning questions about maternal mental health that mothers are too shy to ask. Take deep a breath, relax, and happy reading.
Q1. When and how long do pregnant women undergo mental health problems throughout the pregnancy journey?
Having a baby is a life-changing experience for all mothers. While many mothers have the picture-perfect emotions of happiness and pride, it is normal that they may end up feeling the opposite, which is known as 'baby blues.' Baby blues refer to the mood fluctuations and sadness that frequently follow childbirth. Mothers might feel very happy one minute and very sad the next, teary more than usual, or have higher levels of irritability. These symptoms are often attributed to the biological changes after delivery and typically, they are considered mild and would resolve in a week or two.
Q2. What is the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression since I can’t differentiate the emotions I’m going through now?
Having a baby is a life-changing experience for all mothers. While many mothers have the picture-perfect emotions of happiness and pride, it is normal that they may end up feeling the opposite, which is known as 'baby blues.' Baby blues refer to the mood fluctuations and sadness that frequently follow childbirth. Mothers might feel very happy one minute and very sad the next, teary more than usual, or have higher levels of irritability. These symptoms are often attributed to the biological changes after delivery and typically, they are considered mild and would resolve in a week or two.
(Image credits to xFrame)
On the other hand, postpartum depression involves a severe and long-term change in a mother’s mental health. It is more serious than the baby blues and can last much longer. Although symptoms of postpartum depression may vary for each mother, there are some common symptoms which include low mood, extreme tiredness, loss of interest in activities, sense of guilt and hopelessness, poor appetite, and thoughts of harming oneself or the baby.
In general, identifying the onset and duration of symptoms, as well as the types of symptoms would help in differentiating between baby blues and postpartum depression.
Q3. None of the ladies in my family has gone through postpartum depression. But why am I having it? Is postpartum depression a biological phenomenon or can it occur to all pregnant women?
There is no one factor that causes postpartum depression. In fact, there are several risk factors that may contribute to the development of postpartum depression in pregnant women or any new mother. Besides a family member who had a history of postpartum depression, other factors that may increase the risk of developing postpartum depression include a mother’s history of depression or other mental illness, a complicated or difficult pregnancy, lack of support system, recent life stresses, parenting a baby with illness or difficult temperament, and unplanned pregnancy, among others. In general, genetic predispositions, the mother’s medical and psychiatric history, as well as the physical, emotional and environmental factors may play a role in contributing to the development of postpartum depression. However, it is important to note that no mothers should be blamed for having postpartum depression.
Q4. I delivered my baby 6 months ago. Sometimes, I feel like I want to take time for myself away from my family but I feel guilty even thinking about it. What should I do?
(Image credits to xFrame)
Feeling guilty about wanting to take time off from being a mother is a normal reaction of most mothers out there. This is because mothers always prioritise their baby and family first before themselves. However, it’s important to understand that you cannot pour from an empty cup and newborns, or children in general, require a lot from you. Therefore, self-care is not selfish but essential to stay sane while parenting. One of the ways you could cope with the guilt-feeling is to acknowledge that those feelings are normal and it will show up whether you like it or not. Being able to make peace and accept this feeling instead of pushing it away will help you to give it less power. Secondly, align your reasons for taking time off with your values as a mother. For example, if you want to be a fun mother, you may need your ‘me- time’ to recharge your energy before playtime. Last but not least, talking to other mothers about your feelings is also helpful for you to get some reassurance and support. Besides that, you may exchange tips and tricks of motherhood as well as ways to incorporate daily self-care into your routine. Remember, you are not alone!
Q5. My husband is not helpful when it comes to feeding my baby during the night time as I want to take a little rest. How can I make him understand that I need his help?
Communication is key to making someone understand our needs and wants. Sometimes, wives tend to assume that their husbands should know and understand what is expected without having to tell them. But this is not always the case, especially when they see that the wives are independent and can do it all.
Tell your husband how you feel and specifically, what kind of help you expect from him. At the same time, listen to his side of the story too (e.g., not realizing the baby is crying and needs to be fed) so that conflict can be avoided and both of you can find a way to meet in the middle and help each other in taking care of the baby.
Q6. The mothers from my circle recommended I consume greens and fruits to maintain my emotional outbursts. Is this true?
(Image credits to SHVETS Production)
Consuming vegetables and fruits are known to provide a lot of health benefits, for both physical and mental health. They contain an assortment of essential vitamins and minerals in order for our body to perform at optimal levels. Not only do they help with emotional regulation, but vegetables and fruits also help to boost our energy, improve our memory and concentration, as well as hydrate our body. Having good physical health influences our emotional and mental health too. Nonetheless, a well-balanced diet which includes a healthy portion of carbohydrates and protein, together with greens and fruits is essential for better health.
Q7. I am always on the verge of shouting at my toddlers whenever they are making noises, making a mess, etc. But I couldn’t show it to them and ended up crying. How do I deal with this without hurting my children?
Every parent gets angry at his or her children. Being able to pause before reacting emotionally and losing control is the way to go in managing anger. Toddlers can be a handful and therefore understanding why we get so angry over their behaviour can help us manage the situation better. Sometimes, our anger is triggered by their behaviour but if we were to look at the root cause of our anger, it could be about something else such as work stress, financial issues, relationship problems, and so on.
Several ways to manage anger being triggered by children include recognizing your own body signals when those feelings of anger are starting to well up. It can be feeling hot, having a fast heartbeat, starting to sweat, etc. By noticing these warning signs, you will have time to pause before reacting. It is beneficial at this point to take a time out such as going for a walk to calm yourself. Once you are calm, you can come back and respond in a more effective manner.
(Image credits to SHVETS Production)
This is also why self-care is important for mothers. Taking time to unwind and do something you love can provide you with the space to get away from juggling between roles. It can be simple things like taking a long bath, listening to music, watching your favourite movies, and so on.
Another way of dealing with anger is to talk to someone about it. More often than not, anger is a mix of feelings of stress, guilt, disappointment and tiredness. Identify what you are actually feeling and let it out to someone who will listen. It could be your spouse, your mother, or your friends. If no one is available for you, do not hesitate to seek professional help. By expressing yourself, you will have more room to breathe and you may even feel better.
Q8. After my delivery, my husband buys me something whenever he comes back home from work. Yet, I feel not satisfied and it hurts my husband more. In what way can I change my reactions to his effort?
Firstly, understanding the reason you are not satisfied with your husband’s gesture is crucial. It could be that you do not need the things he buys for you, or that you feel that he should be doing something else rather than buying you things. Or, you may feel that he is spending money on unnecessary things. Besides your thoughts, it is also important to understand the reason he buys things for you. What are his thoughts and feelings about this? Maybe that is his way of showing appreciation, or that he feels happy to be able to provide things for you, or he thought you might like what he buys. Knowing his intentions may help you change your reactions to his effort. Moreover, you can also express your thoughts about his actions. From there, both of you can communicate and compromise with each other to avoid conflict and hurt feelings.
(Image credits to xFrame)
Whether you have a baby at home or are a first-time parent, motherhood can be extremely challenging and exhausting, and you will need all the emotional support you can get. So please do not hesitate to seek help from someone you can trust.
HappyPreggie offers many professional services for you to choose from such as psychological, counselling, and even therapy services. Taking action is the first and most important step toward managing your mental health to ensure the best start into parenthood for you and your baby.
We do hope that we have answered at least some of your questions. If you want to learn more, here are some additional quick-reads for you: A Complete List Of Postpartum Care Essentials For Recovery, Learn About Prenatal Depression And How To Get Rid Of It, and 10 Ways To Take Care Of Your Mental Health During Pregnancy.
That said, depression can happen to anyone at any time in their life. But dealing with depression during or after pregnancy is more common than you think. Indeed, motherhood is one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have. However, a lot goes into being a mother and it is definitely not easy. If you are reading this, chances are you or someone you know may face postpartum depression or anxiety. And managing your mental health is especially important if you are an expecting mother.
(Q & A Expert Series With Ms. Faeza Hasnan)
Perinatal depression is a sensitive topic to talk about. But do not worry, you are not alone. We have invited Ms. Faeza Hasnan, a clinical psychologist from Naluri Hidup Sdn. Bhd. to answer some of the burning questions about maternal mental health that mothers are too shy to ask. Take deep a breath, relax, and happy reading.
Q1. When and how long do pregnant women undergo mental health problems throughout the pregnancy journey?
Having a baby is a life-changing experience for all mothers. While many mothers have the picture-perfect emotions of happiness and pride, it is normal that they may end up feeling the opposite, which is known as 'baby blues.' Baby blues refer to the mood fluctuations and sadness that frequently follow childbirth. Mothers might feel very happy one minute and very sad the next, teary more than usual, or have higher levels of irritability. These symptoms are often attributed to the biological changes after delivery and typically, they are considered mild and would resolve in a week or two.
Q2. What is the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression since I can’t differentiate the emotions I’m going through now?
Having a baby is a life-changing experience for all mothers. While many mothers have the picture-perfect emotions of happiness and pride, it is normal that they may end up feeling the opposite, which is known as 'baby blues.' Baby blues refer to the mood fluctuations and sadness that frequently follow childbirth. Mothers might feel very happy one minute and very sad the next, teary more than usual, or have higher levels of irritability. These symptoms are often attributed to the biological changes after delivery and typically, they are considered mild and would resolve in a week or two.
(Image credits to xFrame)On the other hand, postpartum depression involves a severe and long-term change in a mother’s mental health. It is more serious than the baby blues and can last much longer. Although symptoms of postpartum depression may vary for each mother, there are some common symptoms which include low mood, extreme tiredness, loss of interest in activities, sense of guilt and hopelessness, poor appetite, and thoughts of harming oneself or the baby.
In general, identifying the onset and duration of symptoms, as well as the types of symptoms would help in differentiating between baby blues and postpartum depression.
Q3. None of the ladies in my family has gone through postpartum depression. But why am I having it? Is postpartum depression a biological phenomenon or can it occur to all pregnant women?
There is no one factor that causes postpartum depression. In fact, there are several risk factors that may contribute to the development of postpartum depression in pregnant women or any new mother. Besides a family member who had a history of postpartum depression, other factors that may increase the risk of developing postpartum depression include a mother’s history of depression or other mental illness, a complicated or difficult pregnancy, lack of support system, recent life stresses, parenting a baby with illness or difficult temperament, and unplanned pregnancy, among others. In general, genetic predispositions, the mother’s medical and psychiatric history, as well as the physical, emotional and environmental factors may play a role in contributing to the development of postpartum depression. However, it is important to note that no mothers should be blamed for having postpartum depression.
Q4. I delivered my baby 6 months ago. Sometimes, I feel like I want to take time for myself away from my family but I feel guilty even thinking about it. What should I do?
(Image credits to xFrame)Feeling guilty about wanting to take time off from being a mother is a normal reaction of most mothers out there. This is because mothers always prioritise their baby and family first before themselves. However, it’s important to understand that you cannot pour from an empty cup and newborns, or children in general, require a lot from you. Therefore, self-care is not selfish but essential to stay sane while parenting. One of the ways you could cope with the guilt-feeling is to acknowledge that those feelings are normal and it will show up whether you like it or not. Being able to make peace and accept this feeling instead of pushing it away will help you to give it less power. Secondly, align your reasons for taking time off with your values as a mother. For example, if you want to be a fun mother, you may need your ‘me- time’ to recharge your energy before playtime. Last but not least, talking to other mothers about your feelings is also helpful for you to get some reassurance and support. Besides that, you may exchange tips and tricks of motherhood as well as ways to incorporate daily self-care into your routine. Remember, you are not alone!
Q5. My husband is not helpful when it comes to feeding my baby during the night time as I want to take a little rest. How can I make him understand that I need his help?
Communication is key to making someone understand our needs and wants. Sometimes, wives tend to assume that their husbands should know and understand what is expected without having to tell them. But this is not always the case, especially when they see that the wives are independent and can do it all.
Tell your husband how you feel and specifically, what kind of help you expect from him. At the same time, listen to his side of the story too (e.g., not realizing the baby is crying and needs to be fed) so that conflict can be avoided and both of you can find a way to meet in the middle and help each other in taking care of the baby.
Q6. The mothers from my circle recommended I consume greens and fruits to maintain my emotional outbursts. Is this true?
(Image credits to SHVETS Production)
Consuming vegetables and fruits are known to provide a lot of health benefits, for both physical and mental health. They contain an assortment of essential vitamins and minerals in order for our body to perform at optimal levels. Not only do they help with emotional regulation, but vegetables and fruits also help to boost our energy, improve our memory and concentration, as well as hydrate our body. Having good physical health influences our emotional and mental health too. Nonetheless, a well-balanced diet which includes a healthy portion of carbohydrates and protein, together with greens and fruits is essential for better health.
Q7. I am always on the verge of shouting at my toddlers whenever they are making noises, making a mess, etc. But I couldn’t show it to them and ended up crying. How do I deal with this without hurting my children?
Every parent gets angry at his or her children. Being able to pause before reacting emotionally and losing control is the way to go in managing anger. Toddlers can be a handful and therefore understanding why we get so angry over their behaviour can help us manage the situation better. Sometimes, our anger is triggered by their behaviour but if we were to look at the root cause of our anger, it could be about something else such as work stress, financial issues, relationship problems, and so on.
Several ways to manage anger being triggered by children include recognizing your own body signals when those feelings of anger are starting to well up. It can be feeling hot, having a fast heartbeat, starting to sweat, etc. By noticing these warning signs, you will have time to pause before reacting. It is beneficial at this point to take a time out such as going for a walk to calm yourself. Once you are calm, you can come back and respond in a more effective manner.
(Image credits to SHVETS Production)This is also why self-care is important for mothers. Taking time to unwind and do something you love can provide you with the space to get away from juggling between roles. It can be simple things like taking a long bath, listening to music, watching your favourite movies, and so on.
Another way of dealing with anger is to talk to someone about it. More often than not, anger is a mix of feelings of stress, guilt, disappointment and tiredness. Identify what you are actually feeling and let it out to someone who will listen. It could be your spouse, your mother, or your friends. If no one is available for you, do not hesitate to seek professional help. By expressing yourself, you will have more room to breathe and you may even feel better.
Q8. After my delivery, my husband buys me something whenever he comes back home from work. Yet, I feel not satisfied and it hurts my husband more. In what way can I change my reactions to his effort?
Firstly, understanding the reason you are not satisfied with your husband’s gesture is crucial. It could be that you do not need the things he buys for you, or that you feel that he should be doing something else rather than buying you things. Or, you may feel that he is spending money on unnecessary things. Besides your thoughts, it is also important to understand the reason he buys things for you. What are his thoughts and feelings about this? Maybe that is his way of showing appreciation, or that he feels happy to be able to provide things for you, or he thought you might like what he buys. Knowing his intentions may help you change your reactions to his effort. Moreover, you can also express your thoughts about his actions. From there, both of you can communicate and compromise with each other to avoid conflict and hurt feelings.
(Image credits to xFrame)
Whether you have a baby at home or are a first-time parent, motherhood can be extremely challenging and exhausting, and you will need all the emotional support you can get. So please do not hesitate to seek help from someone you can trust.
HappyPreggie offers many professional services for you to choose from such as psychological, counselling, and even therapy services. Taking action is the first and most important step toward managing your mental health to ensure the best start into parenthood for you and your baby.
We do hope that we have answered at least some of your questions. If you want to learn more, here are some additional quick-reads for you: A Complete List Of Postpartum Care Essentials For Recovery, Learn About Prenatal Depression And How To Get Rid Of It, and 10 Ways To Take Care Of Your Mental Health During Pregnancy.
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